Existence
by Hieru
Summary: After learning the truth about himself, Tidus questioned his own existence in life. No blatant pairing with implied Tidus x Yuna.


What's our existence?

Was it to achieve good grades at school? Play a good Blitz Ball game? To find a lover that appreciates you?

Or was there something else?

Who could tell us?

_**Existence**_

"Tidus! Hurry up or you won't catch the ship!" I turned, and sped up my feet as I ran towards Rikku as quick as I could. Really, I know the time! I really do! I was just... you know, distracted, that's all.

Distracted by that stunning scene of Lulu and Wakka... well... yeah. I mean, I know they're a couple and stuff, but I never imagined them kissing, and fondling like that... Well, at least they still have their clothes on, and I wasn't discovered, which was good.

It was rare to find peace and quiet nowadays, with Dad - Sin - running around more actively than he had before, and the death of Yunalesca, we were practically driven around the globe non-stop 'til Yuna couldn't took it at last. She fell ill a couple days ago, and with my determination... or whining... Auron finally agreed to rest for a while. So Cid drove us back to Besaid, and we all got a break. We'll call him when Yuna's well, and in the meantime, we were "granted permission" to go to Luca if we wanted.

Which Rikku certainly does, and so that's why we're on the airship now heading towards Luca to see the Blitz Ball tournament. It wasn't an official one like before, but more of a casual game-play and everyone can join. The little Al Bhed girl wanted to see me, the star player of the Zanarkand Abes, in his amazing actions and triumph. She even dared me of getting the MVP, claiming that, and I quote, "If you're so great, why not prove it?"

Well, I'll show her!

Swimming towards the entrance, I grinned to myself. I must say, I'm good! Those four players (forgot where they came from) tried to stop me, but I used my Dad's best trick - Jecht Shot, and scored at least 4 points in that single game alone!

Sometimes I'm surprised of myself. I never thought I could take on 4 players, and they're not bad, really, but I'm just better.

The smile, however, died quickly, like most of my smiles nowadays. Even Lulu had asked me what was wrong, but I said nothing... I guess the only person that could understand me would be Auron, since technically...in some way... he's the same with me.

Non-existent.

And I hated it.

At least he had some reason of living on. He wanted to carry out Braska's wish of taking care of his daughter, and defeat Sin. That's his goal, and that's why he remained.

But what about me?

I never asked to be dragged into this mess... To know that my world was a fake, and that my Dad was Sin who kill many people ruthlessly.

And that I'm not real. I'm just... some dead people's dream. A dream that was created because of the selfish reason that they didn't want to perish. That they didn't want to admit defeat, embrace death, and go on their merry after life to the Far Plane. Instead, they stuck around, and created me.

So now all you're telling me is that I'm not real, nor was my beloved mother, my best friends, my teammates, and my life... everything was just a big fat lie?

Why me!?

Why?

Dangling my feet off of the cliff, I stared out towards the beautiful beach of Besaid, watching the clear waters and the soothing wave, accompanied by the songs of the birds and the Prayers back in the Temple. The waters were so clear that I could see some fish swimming around, even from such far distance where I was sitting.

In Zanarkand, you can't even see any living thing in the water when you're standing right in there. Believe me, I've tried. Nobody ever tries to fish around Zanarkand, or swim, or practice Blitz Ball... The waters were just simply too polluted to even touch. The government talked about cleaning it up every day, and the media criticized them as if they have nothing else better to do.

There were swimming pools in the city and even domes that's opened to public 24/7 for Blitz Ball games. There were also artificial ponds that provide fish and shrimps for people to fish. Museums and amusement parks spent fortunes building artificial beaches, just so those folks who never saw clear ocean and white sands could have a look at what they believe to be paradise.

And I would definitely be considered sitting in the paradise now. Clean air, gorgeous scenery, shades provided by a coconut tree that I'm leaning on, and the sun was setting in front of me, painting that entire ocean into a blending of red, orange, purple, and so many colors that I couldn't identify.

I'm an athlete, not an artist.

I stood up, and looked down at the large rocks and waters splashing against it, like playful white fairies that danced about, teasing the cliff.

I wonder what will become of me if I die? Since I'm not real? Would I be sent off to the Far Plane, or would I simply disappear? Like nothing ever happened?

Nothing ever mattered?

Taking a few steps forward, my eyes never left the rocks. Would it hurt? It probably will... seeing how it had hurt when those monsters attacked us... Would somebody cry? Like those who did in Kilika when Yuna sent them away? I wonder who would send me away? Yuna, probably, seeing how she's the Summoner and stuff...

Would someone mourn? Or would they be simply happy to be rid of a silhouette?

And my story would just end here... right?

I'm tired... And as much... as much as I disliked my old man... I don't want to kill him... What'll happen when I disappear...? I don't want to leave nothing behind me...

Don't I matter to the world, even just one bit?

The wind brushed through my hair, caressing my cheek and whispering to me, as if urging me to take the step. I suddenly remembered the story of Siren, a beautiful Mistress of some sort that sings in the sea, making sailors go to them and kill them, yet the sailors never regret it... I felt as if Siren's doing the same to me, just a few feet out in the open sea, waiting for me to take my plunge into her embrace...

Which I intended on doing so.

As my feet finally left the rocks, for the first time in my life, I understood what my physics teacher talked about gravity and how it worked.

"TIDUS!"

My eyes widened as I felt someone grabbed a hold of my arm, causing me to halted in mid air, the force sending me crashing to the side of the cliff a bit harshly, which had hurt. A lot.

I looked up, my gaze blurred. I know someone grabbed me... but who...?

And before I passed out, I thought I saw a strand of black hair...

When I opened my eyes again, I was a bit troubled at the surroundings. No, I'm not in one of the tents... nor was I in a room. This looked like some kind of cave, and it was really hard to see since it was so dark and stuff. Sitting up silently, I blinked a few times to adjust to a little light that was coming from a little camp fire that was set in the middle of the cave, illuminating the place a little. I felt something slipped down from my chest to my lap, and picked it up.

A red, familiar jacket.

"So you're awake," I looked up, seeing Auron sitting cross-legged across me on the other side of the fire, his one good eye looked at me calmly. I simply nodded, and folded the jacket with care that I never bothered to display. Just so I could get my minds and my eyes off of him and what I did. Just so I could think... of nothing.

The silence droned on, and I felt like falling asleep when Auron spoke up. "Why?"

Clear, authoritative, and commanding as always.

"...No reason," I replied, my eyes focusing on the tiny wrinkles.

"There has to be one."

"There wasn't."

"I don't believe you."

I sighed, "And I should care?"

Auron's eyes narrowed, and the air between us tensed. "You should. We're talking about your life here."

I looked up, frowning. I could feel rage building up and radiating through my eyes and my body, and I clenched at the materials in my hands tightly.

"What life?" I growled, my voice sounded extremely pained and... restrained. As if a heavy stone was suppressing my anger and my confusion all together and I'm trying my best not to let it go. "I don't have any."

"You do," he said calmly, "You're living now."

"So!?" I scoffed, "This is fake, you know!? I'm a fake, my Dad's a fake, and my life's a fake!"

"Do you really think so?" he asked.

"Yes!" I cried, "The Fayth told me! That I, along with the rest of 'Zanarkand' that I know of, was a dream! Because they refuse to die until Sin was destroyed! Now how the hell am I -REAL- or -ALIVE- if I'm a dream!?"

"So?" he asked, using the word I used just a while ago. "Doesn't mean that you doesn't exist. Tell me, which part of you doesn't seem real enough?"

"Everything!" I screamed, not caring if I'm crying or not, which I probably was. "My hair, my face, my body, my skill at Blitz Ball, my skill at fighting... Which part of me DOES seem real!?"

Auron smirked, "Everything."

"Stop toying with me!"

He shook his head, "I'm not." he paused, and smiled briefly, "If you're not real... Then how did you slay all those monster? How did you save Yuna from Seymour? And how did you ride those damned Chocobos and won the race?"

I looked away, not knowing how to answer.

"And how did you feel the pain when you got hit by the monsters?" he continued, "How did you got those scars? And most importantly... how did Yuna fell in love with you?"

"She didn't-" I protested, blushing furiously.

Auron lifted his eyebrow, challenging my protest.

And I shut up immediately.

He sighed, and shook his head. "You know, I never thought you were a sensitive kid..."

"Hey, watch it."

He grinned, "You've surprised me, like always."

"Shut up."

And he did, just for a while.

"... You know, Tidus..."

"What?"

"You're stupid."

WHAT!? I turned and glared at Auron, promising that I will kill him even if he's already dead, which he laughed at the promise in my eyes. It was not something that Wakka or me do when we laughed, loud and obnoxious. His laugh was low, calm, and yet showed that he was truly amused.

I amuse him? I frown and curse at the thought.

"If you don't think you exist... why don't you do something about it?"

Huh? "You crazy?"

Auron shook his head, and stood up as the sun started to come up. "Use that dust-covered brain of yours for a while. It might actually help."

I swear... if he weren't already dead, I'd so kill him.

"Dad..."

"Yeah?"

"I hate you."

"...I know."

There, I said it, with tears on my face. I said it in his face, and I let him know directly. And he... just smiled. Said that he understood. Never in my life had I seen him so... paternal.

No, I don't hate him...I love him. He's my father... and he always pushes me...to the extreme. So extreme that he wanted me to kill him.

My own Old Man...

And I did. With my Caladbolg, I pierced through his heart with it. His blood covered my hand when he returned to his human form, and I held him tightly in my arms. So much blood that I never thought possible, and I felt as if the blood wouldn't go away.

Yet, he smiled. Patting my hand softly and weakly, and at that moment, I felt I received something that I never had from him before...

Good job, Son. I'm proud of you.

I looked down at my hands, and saw through myself and at the floor of the airship. I knew at that instant it was my time to go. Yuna was dancing in front of me, her tears never left her eyes as she send each and every one of her Aeons away to the Far Plane.

I've fell in love with her dance when I first saw it in Kilika, and I've promised to myself never to see it again. But I broke the promise like so many others that I made.

"Yuna..." I called out softly, hearing Wakka and Rikku's gasps in the background. She turned, and her beautiful eyes widened.

I guess the first time I saw those pair of eyes, I've fell in love already.

"I have to go..."

She shook her head furiously, and I walked forward, and reached out.

Only to went through her.

I can't even hug the person I love anymore...

"I love you."

And so did I... but it really doesn't matter now, does it?

I walked a couple steps forward, only to felt she hugged me. For that one moment, I thought... I thought I felt her arms. I thought I was solid again.

"I'll never forget you..." she whispered in my ears, crying. "And Tidus... I love you... and you'll always live..." she took my hand, and put it on her chest. "In here. Always."

And I know that I'm not a fake anymore. I'm not a dream, because someone else's heart opened, and took me in.

_**-End**_

I


End file.
